She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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