I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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