Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
