well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
