I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
