You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
