dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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