im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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