i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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