He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Houston, we have a blender
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
