margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
