laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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