Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
