So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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