It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
