All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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