I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
