the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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