I wish life had little blips of pornography
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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