Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize