I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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