Do you still have your period?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
