Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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