D3 body, D1 cock
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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