he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
