Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
