Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
