Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
