She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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