Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize