He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
