i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
