my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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