Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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