I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
