Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
