A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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