My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
