Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
