last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
