She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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