go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
