Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
