i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize