Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
