They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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