Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
