Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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