She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
