You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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