when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
