I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
