I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
