Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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