You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
