Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
