shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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