i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize