Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
