found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
