just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
