my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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