just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
