My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
