Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
