You smell like a Billy Joel song
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
