Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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