I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
