Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
