I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
