my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize